The Tunnel at the end of the light.
The only thing wrong with telling the world how you're really feeling on your blog is that the world might actually read it! And then start calling and emailing and texting and telling other people to read your blog etc!
The last couple of days several people have been in touch one way or another expressing their concern.
I'm feeling slightly like a goldfish who put up an "Open House" sign on the side of my bowl!
Today was a bit better again.
I saw the Dr this morning who thinks I have depression.
I'm not so sure although I am sure that I felt worse over the last week than I ever have before.
It's a little chicken and eggish, "Am I depressed and that makes me feel bad about things in my life?" or "Do I feel bad about things in my life and that makes me depressed?"
I'm seeing him again next week, in the meantime he's given me a book to read on the subject. (Should I have told him that reading non-fiction depresses me?) (I must be feeling better, cracking little depression jokes!)
My supervisor has called me a couple of times and strongly encouraged me to take some time off work. She checked and worked out that I have about 15 weeks of unused sick leave so I can afford to take a week off!
My pastor came to see me today because a certain descendent sent him a text asking him to check how I'm going. He had some really good insights and suggestions. Consequently I'll probably go away for a couple of days next week to do some thinking and praying.
A mate rang from Perth.
A brother-in-law rang from Adelaide.
A cyber buddy sent encouraging messages.
My chairperson sent me the words to a wonderful hymn I'd never heard but which really spoke to my situation.
It's all happening here folks!!
What's really interesting is how many people have commented that they know how I feel or that they've been through something similar. I know depression is increasing but it is quite amazing to hear how many people have been affected by it.
As I said, I don't know if I have depression or not, sitting here now it doesn't seem like it to me, but in reading the literature I was putting lots of mental ticks against things described as signs and symptons.
Taking some time off will be helpful, if for no other reason than it will give me some time to think and sort through things and try to find solutions to some of the things that are consistent stumbling blocks for me.
I need to get it sorted out before the footy season starts and following Geelong sends me into another tail-spin nose-dive!!!
I feel an odd mixture of feelings, gratitude for people's concern and embarrassment at all the attention.
A few more pics from Sculptures by the Sea.I found out today that my mate Cameron's cousin made this "Sea Anenome" sculpture, along with 2 other similar ones that are part of the exhibition. Very cool!