Mary

The ANZAC ceremony at school went well this morning. The school does a great job holding the service, with a respectful solemnity befitting such an occasion. My prayer at the conclusion of the service is one of the few overtly "religious" things I do in my role as chaplain but I'm always keen to make it accessible rather than alienating, and to find a way to link Australia's armed forces and those who gave their lives in defence of our freedom, with the example of Jesus and his sacrifice on our behalf. I received positive feedback afterwards so hopefully I achieved my aim.

This afternoon I led the funeral service for Mary Pearce, an 86 year old lady whose granddaughter goes to the school. I had to do the funeral for another of her grandchildren, Kori, who was killed last year and because of the relationship I've developed with the family they asked me to do today's service. I've posted the biography and my message from the service. The most special part of a funeral to me is when the people closest to the deceased share their stories and memories and today was no exception, with one of Mary's daughters, Glenda, doing a wonderful job in eulogising her Mum. The description of a kitchen full of good food and constant baking and treats her Mum provided for the family every day almost had my mouth watering during the service.
I had never met Mary but by the end I felt like I knew her. Sadly she suffered from dementia so the final years of her life were difficult for her family as she lost her memory and normal functions. It makes me think that we should never take for granted our gifts and faculties, and should always be grateful and thankful for the people we love and who have cared for us, especially our parents.

Biography: Mary Pearce 15 November 1920 – April 20 2007

Edith Mary Pearce, known all her life as Mary, was born at Bridgetown on November 15 1920 to parents Alfred Alexander Ryall and Gertrude Amelia Wright. Mary was the only daughter in a family of six children and three of her brothers are still alive.

Mary was raised in the farming district of Kojonup and Orchid Valley although she lived with her Aunt Selina while she went to school at Balingup and later Whakinup.

When Mary was 14 a certain Walter Pearce moved into the district looking for work, arriving with a pushbike, a tent and a watch. When everything he owned was lost in a fire his only possession was a suit left at Mary’s family’s home. Their friendship developed and they were married in Fremantle in 1940. Shortly after they were married Walter went away to the war and Mary stayed with family on both sides. In 1941 Kathleen was born and Mary’s career as a wife, mother and home-maker was begun. Kathleen was the first of 9 children, the others being Jim, born in 1946, Eileen in 1948, Glenda in 1950, Rhonda in 1953, Susan in 1954, Rose in 1957, Sandi in 1958 and Tony the baby of the family born in 1962.

The family remained in the Orchid Valley area and Walter built a house there in 1960 which remained their home until he retired in 1971 and they moved to Busselton. Mary watched her family grow and spread, with the kids covering much of the south-west of WA and producing 22 grandchildren and 19 great grandchildren.

In 1997 Walter died, he and Mary had been married for 56 years.

Not long after this Mary developed dementia and was no longer able to care for herself on her own. She moved into Ray Village where she spent the remaining 10 years of her life. The illness that had afflicted her took away much of her memory and ability to communicate but she remained attentive and alert during family visits, watching her children and family intently. Mary passed away peacefully last Friday afternoon, with 6 of her children surrounding her, grateful that they were able to be present with her and say goodbye after a long and happy life in a close and loving family.

Message

A few months ago I stood in a similar position to this as we farewelled Mary’s grandson Kori. Funerals tend to be sad occasions but there is a marked contrast between that day and today. Kori’s death was tragic and premature, the cause of immense sadness and heartbreak for his family and friends. Mary’s death, while sad, is not a tragedy. It is the natural culmination of a long and happy life. Just as all people are born, so all people must die. Life and death come and go like the seasons, they are the natural cycle of existence. It is interesting to note that on the same day Mary passed away, another great grandchild was born into her family.

Mary lived a long life and had many children. Her joy in motherhood was multiplied 9 times, and then increased again and again with the arrival of grandchildren and great grandchildren.

So while her family will miss her and feel sad that she is gone, they can also be thankful for the many years they had with her, for the love she gave to each of them as they grew up and made their way in the world. There are few things more satisfying or gratifying than the feeling a parent has in seeing their children grow to maturity and independence. Mary, along with Walter, shared 56 years of marriage and parenthood. That’s a wonderful investment in their family and in the future and the fruit of it is right here in evidence before us today.

In our modern world, qualities like commitment, loyalty and steadfastness are less common and less valued. Marriages break down, families are split, children are damaged and communities are fractured because we live in a throw-away world. Mary and Walter were from a different age, where marriages endured through bad times and hardships. They didn’t give up when the going got tough. They stayed committed because of their love and their values.

We could do a lot worse than follow their example. Love and loyalty are valuable commodities. They may not command much in the economic market place, but as ways to live and how to treat people they are precious beyond measure.

The name Mary is synonymous with virtue, faithfulness and devotion. Mary the mother of Jesus was chosen because of her good character and faith. God knew that when his son was born on earth he would need good parents to look after him and teach him and raise him to be a man of character and integrity. He chose wisely and entrusted the most important baby ever born into the care of a young peasant woman named Mary. Parenthood and the care of children is vitally important to God and he warns us not to take the responsibility lightly or to do anything to harm children. I’d like to think that Mary Pearce followed the example of her namesake, that she took special care and delight in raising her nine children and that in so doing she brought joy to the heavenly father and blessing upon herself.

Whatever age we are, whatever our circumstances, whether we live to be three or a hundred and three, we are special and valuable to God and he has hopes and plans for our lives. Our task and challenge is to discern those plans and to enact them, in order to make the most of our lives and of the opportunities and gifts given us by God. I thank God for Mary and the great love she demonstrated in the raising of her children and the care of her family.

Chaplain's Retreat at Fairbridge

Some of the people I spent the last three days with. No time to blog now but I had a great time, lots of good things, great stories, much fun and laughter.

Update:
Fairbridge was built as an orphanage for British children following the war and is now a conference and tourist accommodation centre. We stayed in 2-3 cottages which have several bedrooms and shared living areas, there were about 15 of us in our cottage, all blokes except for Dave's wife Nicole, they are both chaplains so got special co-habiting privileges.

I roomed with Birchy and Cam so there was plenty of talk about football, and many noxious emissions. I was beginning to think Birchy had some serious intestinal problems by the third day. In order to prevent further air pollution we hid his second can of baked beans in the freezer. When I went to bed on the second night I discovered it had been sabotaged with sugar and foreign objects. After cleaning up the mess I was forced to mete out some discipline with my pillow, but failed to notice the light hanging in the way of my first swing! The resultant noise reverberated throughout the house and drew questions the following morning. I went to bed grinning, only to burst into raucous laughter moments later when the air was split by another thunderous fart. This all followed a marathon 6 hour sitting of Trivial Pursuit. Abandoning the traditional battle of the sexes we adopted random odds and evens teams based on our birthdates. The odds won the first game, after which a number of people retired for the night. The second game became a City v Country chaplains contest with the City team narrowly winning. Nearly all the remainder went to bed after that, leaving just the die-hards to fight it out in a 3rd, modified game with a piece of pie for every correct answer. Cam and Birchy took on Justin and I and it was a close battle, with the good guys emerging victorious amidst much complaint and derision from Cam and Darren citing "easy questions" on the winning card. We then duelled it out over a few more cards before finally retiring at about 2.45am.
I love Trivial Pursuit. It's not a game everyone enjoys but I can't get enough of it and big games with big teams and lots of argument and discussion and laughter are a highlight of the retreats every year.

It wasn't all fun and games though. There were some great worship and singing times. Nick played guitar and a couple of people led the singing. That's always my favourite type of worship, simple, accoustic, strong voices, in a camp hall somewhere with a bunch of friends and like-minded people.

Geoff Westlake provided the teaching input and it was fantastic. He is one of the best speakers going around, he's highly intelligent but eminently practical and further adds to his credibility because he puts his theories into practice in the community development project they call Cheers in the perth suburb of Banksia Grove. His stuff makes great sense, reflects the different needs of this post-modern community, and resonates with people both Christian and non-Christian. On the last day I organised an offering to give to Geoff for his family and ministry and people responded very generously.

I spent some of my time painting, working on three different pictures, and Cam also did one.

On the last day as we were saying our farewells I invited a couple of people to share their stories with the group and it provided a very special and emotional finale for the retreat.
Doug told us he was leaving the next day on a trip to Thailand for an ANZAC Day pilgrimage to the Burma Railroad and Hell Fire Pass where his Dad had been a prisoner of war. His Dad died at age 52 so it will be a very special trip for Doug to go to the places where his Dad fought and suffered. He will be helping to lead the dawn service on ANZAC morning in one of the places where Australia soldiers helped establish the ANZAC spirit and tradition.

Then Gary shared with us about his impending trip to England in October to meet his birth-mother for the first time along with 2 half-sisters and a brother he's never met. He wants to make connections and tie up loose ends. By the time they finished speaking I was in tears, and I wasn't alone. Afterwards another chaplain came up and introduced herself and told us about her own experience and that she has never met her real father. She was touched by Gary's story and looks forward to a day when she too will be reunited and reconnected.

There are so many people with so many stories, we seldom know what goes on beneath the surface and it's only when we have the time and opportunity to really listen and get to know people that we find out. The retreat gave us just such time and opportunity.

On Friday night in the cab I picked up a couple of young ladies and one of them, Melissa, recognised me as the chaplain. She no longer goes to the school but while she was there her Mum had died and she had come to see me to talk about things. She thanled me and spoke glowingly to her friend about the help and support I'd offered to her at the time. It was good to see her and affirming to hear the things she said about me and my work at the school.
Later on I picked up a young bloke and his girlfriend and he also recognised me from school. He was pretty drunk and not feeling very well but he asked for my number and whether he could ring me to talk about stuff because he had a few "issues and problems".

This afternoon I was called to go round and visit a family I know because their grandmother died on Friday. Their son Kori was killed in a car crash last year and I did his funeral and now they've asked me to conduct her funeral service too. I spent a couple of hours with Rhonda and 4 of her siblings (there are 9 kids in the family! 22 Grandkids, 19 great grandkis) planning the service. It will be on Tuesday afternoon.

Coming on top of the highs and emotional experiences of the retreat both these encounters were helpful in reassuring me and confirming that I'm in the right place and doing the right thing. At times I have struggled and had doubts about whether I should still be a chaplain but these incidents encouraged me to believe in myself and what I'm doing.