Thursday, June 21, 2007

Happy Mid-Life Crisis to Me

After two days away on the hike I had plenty to catch up on at work and I wasn't moving very fast, my legs are sore and stiff. I'll be 46 tomorrow and I'm feeling every bit of it right now, fast approaching my use by date in fact!

Apart from Country Week tasks I also had to make arrangements to move our fish.
You may remember the fish sculpture I helped to buy after the Commonwealth Games?
For a variety of reasons the project has stalled and the place where it has been stored can no longer accommodate it and have been hassling me to come and get it! No easy feat considering said fish is 7 metres long and weighs around 300kg!
I called Aussie, a friend from church who has a truck with a crane and he's going to come and pick it up tomorrow morning. From there we need to get it into the art compound at school. There's space for it but lifting it over the brick wall will be tricky.
Hopoefully we'll get it done without damaging the fish or the school. From there we still need to do some work on it to prepare it for installation, AND convince the shire to allow us to put it somewhere prominent in town. Perhaps with my long service coming up next term I can devote some time to the project and see it to completion.

WARNING:

Serious Blogging Ahead!
I started writing and next thing I knew I was exposing more of my thoughts and feelings than usual and feeling nervous as a result. Vulnerability Rating: High


I saw my therapist again this afternoon and from the tests she's done and her observations it seems pretty clear I have depression. I'll continue with the counselling but may also reconsider medication as an option. I have good days and bad days but of late the bad days are winning and I don't have the strength or emotional reserves to cope. I spend a lot of time struggling with my internal world, unable to function at the sort of levels I'm used to or expect.
This remains a difficult subject for me, it has taken me a very long time to even get to this point and acknowledge I need help. My usual strategy is to withdraw and close down emotionally and hope that it passes. No prizes for working out that's not a very effective strategy! Talking about it isn't easy but it is preferable to continuing the unhelpful patterns of the past.
I'm not a very forgiving person, and that lack of forgiveness extends to myself. When I fall I tend to follow it up with a good beating which keeps me down longer and makes it a real struggle to get up again. Maybe my expectations of myself are too high, or maybe I just don't have the capacity I thought I did. Hopefully therapy will help me work some of this stuff out and find ways to improve my coping skills.
A bit of extra "happiness" as a side effect wouldn't go astray either.


You are now exiting the Vulnerability Zone!

I don't often post other people's stuff but I got some great puns given to me today and as I'm very fond of a pun myself I can't resist posting a few here.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was fantastic.

A jumper cable walked into a bar and asked for a drink. The bartender said "OK, but don't start anything!"

Two peanuts walked into a bar, one was a salted.

A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road".

There'll be more tomorrow.

3 comments:

2Peter said...

Happy Birthday Marcus!

Sometimes I feel this e-mateship is a bit out of balance, you share a lot more of yourself than I do.

This mid-40s thing sucks quite often! My Dad told me once it was the most difficult period of his life, and I can pretty much vouch the same. Thankfully he also told me it gets much better!! (I have a deja vu feeling, maybe I've mentioned this before).

There's a series of books about happiness by Andrew Matthews including one called "Being Happy! ". Definitely worth a read.

All the best.

2Peter said...

PS. Have you seen the time of day you post on your blog? Little wonder you don't feel the full quid. Get some sleep Marcus!

Peter said...

Hi Marcus, have a happy, happy Birthday, good to catch up with your plans,
love to all.
Dad