Deja Vu

I had to ride to work today because of last night's car troubles, on flat tyres, so I went to the garage first to pump them up, and busted 4 kids wagging and having a smoke. Dumb dumb dumb and dumber!!!!

Half way through the afternoon The Heir rang:

Dad, my car's broken down on the way back from Margaret River.

I thought he was winding me up after last night's dramas, but he assured me he and Toni really were stuck.

What happened?

It made a rattling sort of noise, I thought it was the fan, then it stopped.

eeehhhh! I don't know much about mechanics but I do know that rattling/knocking noises from the front of a car are generally very bad news!

Like a knocking noise?

Yeah sort of.

I think it's fatal mate!

The Blue Beast has been written off before on more than one occasion only to bounce back, but I really didn't like the sound of this.

Can you come and pick us up?

I'd like to but my car is not working either, remember!

OK, we'll try Noel.

Call me back if that doesn't work.

I didn't hear back so I guessed that Noel had gone to retrieve them. When I got home I discovered that in fact Mrs Holt Press had gone to their aid.

Meanwhile back in the office, the phone rings again.

Is that Marcus Holt?

Yeah

This is Constable such and such from Busselton Police station. Did your car break down last night? Do you know where it is?

Yes it did and yes I do.

We've had a call from a lady reporting it, they want it moved off their verge. You've got until tomorrow.

OK, but that's a bit strange, I talked to them last night when we broke down and the lady said it was fine to leave it there.

I think you may have talked to a different person than the one who rang me, her daughter I think.

OK. I'm going round this afternoon to try and get it started.

Taking The Heir with me we went round to see if we could get it running. I knew the battery was flat so hoped we'd be able to jump start it. I checked the fuses under the dash, all intact.
Looked under the bonnet. Did minor repair on loose wire. Noticed another fuse box so I checked them, they were a range of sizes shapes and ampages but as far as I could tell all looked to be intact. Then I noticed a third fuse box! Checked it as well, no obvious signs of a problem. Then, while inspecting the battery cable found yet another fuse box!!! How many fuse boxes can one car have? This one had three more than any car I'd ever heard of! But, one of the fuses, a 30 amp number was blown. That looked like the problem however, I was wrong. Getting it out was the problem! It did not want to budge and we began to speculate on whether we'd broken it in half trying to remove it. It's hard to explain but in the end we couldn't extract it even though the two beside it came out quite easily.
Either way, the car wasn't going to start, we needed to tow it. The Yaris is not up to that sort of challenge so I rang Dave to ask if I could borrow his truck.
Before driving off I spoke to the lady in the house to let her know what we were doing and mentioned the call from the police.

That was my Mum! She thought it was stolen.

As I drove away I thought to myself, stolen! What car thief knocks on someone's door at 10.00 o'clock at night and asks permission to leave their "stolen" car on the front verge? Some people!

Back to Dave.

Sure, but you'll have to pick up the keys from me.

Where are you?

At dancing lessons.

Pause till laughter fades. OK, I'm on my way.

Dave met us in the carpark and seemed very eager that we not come in!

Into the truck and back to the stricken Toyota. We hooked up the car and proceeded carefully down the highway and delivered the car to the auto electrician. I'll ring him in the morning to let him know what's going on.

The Heir then came up with a bright idea.

Hey Dad, seeing as we've got the truck, can we go and get my car?

Yeah OK. How far is it?

Not far, it's just past the new school really. (At Vasse)

OK but we need to get fuel first, the truck's almost empty.

Deisel for the truck and Vanilla Diet Coke for us. Off we went to Vasse. As I suspected, it was almost 10km past the new school before we found the blue beast. Maths is not The Heir's strong suit but to be fair it wasn't mine either.

Getting it moving was a tougher challenge. The combined effect of the weight of the beast, the angle it was parked-nose into the drain beside the road- and the loose gravel meant I was spinning the wheels of the truck but making no progress. It required some manouvreing of both vehicles and four more attempts before we finally got mobile. I hadn't felt even the slightest tug while towing my car. Towing the beast felt like dragging a reluctant hippo out of a swamp.
But, with due care we got it home.

Then I had a bright idea.

Hey Son, while we've got the truck, how about we go and pick up the work bench I bought at the garage sale?

Do you know where it is now?

Yeah.

Where?

Nowhere near where I thought it was!!!!

Upon arrival I knocked on the door and Mac answered with a big grin, having heard about my exploits on Sunday. We set about loading the bench onto the truck. I think it's fair to say I have never lifted anything so heavy in my life!! The front is solid jarrah and weighs a ton. Not to mention how awkward it was, and how unbalanced, with all the weight in the front, my left side.
I was genuinely relieved when we got it on the tray, and genuinely worried how we were going to get it off at the other end!
Thankfully The Hair had had the foresight to invite Zac W to stay the night so we were able to employ their extra muscle to do the deed.

Both Heir and Hair commented, Mum's gonna love that! when we deposited it in the carport!
There have been many complaints about the mess in the carport, the boat and the patio of late, the accumulation of objects that should rightfully be in the shed, and would be but for the fact it still doesn't have a concrete floor! But that's another story.

The Mercedes Dilemma

On Thursday I was due to take a group of 5 kids, including The Hair, to Bunbury for a World Vision Global Leadership Convention. Neither of our cars can carry more than 5 people so I needed a car with greater carrying capacity.

Stu has a Kia Carnival people mover but when I asked if I could borrow it said he didn't think it would make it to Bunbury and back!!(A distance of 50km!) He unnecessarily added, "Don't ever buy a Kia"!

He suggested I ask Ozzy who has a 7 seater Mercedes and is known to be a generous man.

(I borrowed his truck when we moved into this house.)

Ozzy was in Perth when I rang but readily agreed to let me use the Merc and rang Jo to tell her I'd be around to pick it up later.

When I arrived to collect it Jo said "Its pretty straight forward, no tricks you need to know to drive it".

OK I thought, I've driven plenty of cars in my life, this should be easy enough.

Do you sense a story of under-preparedness and over-confidence coming on?

You should.

I should have suspected things would not be straight-forward when I went to put the key in the ignition and it wasn't there! The ignition that is.

A short search turned it up on the wrong side of the steering wheel, not the right side where it should be.

Fair enough, at least I found it, and the car started when I turned the key. But only the first time. When I stalled it it wouldn't restart until I turned it off completely and tried again. A little idiosyncratic but still not a big problem. We were under way.

Then I noticed the brake light on the dashboard was on, suggesting that the handbrake was still engaged.

Then I noticed it didn't have a hand brake!!

Not on the floor.

Not on the right.

Not on the left.

Not under the dashboard.

Not anywhere!!

There was a strange looking lever jammed tight down beside the seat but no matter how hard I pulled it nothing happened. Then I noticed a strange extra little pedal on the far left, well beyond and above where a clutch pedal would be if it weren't an automatic.

With nothing left to try I pushed it and it seemed to engage in a way similar to a hand brake.

Next problem, how to disengage it? Pushing it didn't unlock it.

Hooking my foot beneath it and pulling refused to budge it. If it was the hand brake it was now stuck on.

Then I tried the little handle labelled P (which I thought was the petrol cap cover release, but more of that later!) beneath the light switch and lo and behold, the little pedal snapped back out. I repeated the process to check it hadn't been a fluke and the same thing happened.

Fancy that, a foot operated hand brake!

But! The brake light did not go off!!

Deciding to ignore the light. I headed for the school to pick up the kids, if a burning smell occurred I'd investigate further, otherwise, we needed to get going.

Kids aboard we set out for Bunbury.

Trying the radio I discovered it would not pick up FM and there was no CD playyer so the kids were condemned to listening to ABC AM, which could only be tuned in by the most unusual tuning "dial" I've ever seen. It was a little rubber "conveyor belt" you have to manipulate until you find the station you're after. The volume on the other side worked the same way!

Just after we passed the petrol station I looked at the fuel gauge and saw it was very low.

In my own car I'd have known if it would make it to Bunbury on that amount of fuel, but in a strange car, that was already causing me concern concern and knowing there was no other fuel available until Bunbury, I decided caution was called for and doubled back to the servo.

That's when things started to bet really surreal!

I began looking for a release switch for the fuel cap which as you can see has no key hole.

There wasn't one!

I was tempted to try the same P labelled handle that had released the hand (foot) brake seeing as it felt much the same as a typical fuel release catch when I pulled it.

Perhaps German engineering had given it a dual function I mused somewhat illogically!

That didn't work.

I got out and got down on my hands and knees and hunted high and low for something that wouldn't open the fuel cap cover.

No good! Nothing.

Feeling slightly awkward and self-conscious in front of a group of kids I didn't know, all my "non-mechanical self image demons " came to taunt me!

With no idea what to do, and time ticking away, I did what any sensible man would do.

No I didn't swear and kick the car.

I rang for help.

Not having Jo's number, I rang Ozzy and explained my predicament.

With admirable self-restraint and patience he explained that all I had to do was push on the fuel cap cover and it would swing open!!!!!!!

Oh!

I had been aiming way too high, expecting something mechanical, or electronic, or sensible!!

It never occurred to me to try force!!

While I had him on the phone I asked about the brake light.

"Oh yeah, that stays on, I don't know why, the hand (foot) brake doesn't work, but the light won't go off" !!!!

Great, at least I'd solved that riddle!

Finally, with petrol in the tank we were on our way. The Hair's favourite part of the car was the rear facing back seats where he and Emily sat, chuckling away as they read a Far Side book.

The rest of the journey passed without mishap!

PS. When I arrived at the school to pick up the 5 kids only four showed up!!!!!!!!!!!