60 in 60 #7 Mum

 60 in 60. #7 Mum

I am reflecting on the last 60 years, and writing 60 blog posts in 60 days. 30 about people and 30 about events and experiences.

 

It’s no surprise to say that Mum has been one of the most important people in my life. She and Dad divorced when I was 9 and our whole world changed. While I don’t have memories of their marriage being close or happy, it was at least stable. In those days people stayed together for the kids but even we weren’t enough of a reason to maintain their unhappy marriage. Suddenly Mum was a sole parent and provider and she rose to the challenge with aplomb. Raising four kids- Alan the eldest, Vicki, me and Bruce the youngest- on her own was bloody hard work, especially when one of those kids was difficult to manage (!) 

 

Many words could be used to describe Mum but the first that comes to mind is hard-working. She is a tireless and indefatigable worker, whatever the task may be, Mum is like the Energiser Bunny. Her energy is matched by her enthusiasm, so that once she has an idea or a goal nothing will stop her striving to achieve it. She has owner-built several houses and each time has worked until she dropped to make it happen- painting, decorating, building, modifying and gardening, and each time the house became a beautifully decorated warm and welcoming home where her children and grandchildren were, and still are, always welcome. Mum has the gift of hospitality and whenever we arrive, either expectedly or unannounced, there is always plenty of great food to share around the table or a meal whipped up out of whatever she has in the fridge and pantry. 

 

After Dad left Mum had jobs as a barmaid, a service station cashier, a delivery driver and a waitress. We lived in Newtown and Moolap in Geelong before moving to Perth at the end of 1973. We rented a house in Bayswater from Uncle Neil and Auntie Joan before moving to live on West Coast Highway, Watermans, overlooking the Indian Ocean. Throughout these moves I was unsettled and difficult…no, let me be brutally honest, I was little shit of a kid* who got into a lot of trouble, and that was just for the things Mum found out about! I was unsettled at school where I was often bullied or alienated, only my love of footy and my sporting talent gave me any credibility or currency with my peers. One of the worst episodes at school resulted in a teacher hitting and punching me several times in an incident that nowadays would probably see him lose his job, but in 1974 was brushed under the carpet. 

I ran away from home a couple of times and was making life very difficult for everyone so at the end of that year I was “sent” to live with Dad and Julie in Queensland. There are different versions of how that occurred but suffice to say that rather than just going for the Christmas holidays, I stayed and lived with them for the next three years. 

During that time Mum and her second husband Arthur, had a baby girl called Shannon.

 

When I was about 10 I fell in love with Tottenham Hotspur FC, a soccer team in England. I was obsessed with Spurs and knowing this, Mum arranged to meet the team when they came to Western Australia on an end of season trip. She got them all to sign a book which she gave me for Christmas. It was one of the coolest gifts I’ve ever received.

 

At the end of 1977 I returned ‘home’ to Perth to re-join the rest of the family. I had matured a bit and finally had a positive experience, at my fifth high school, Carine SHS**, where for the first time I fitted in and made real friendships. I’d like to say I had settled and no longer caused trouble but I can’t. I got suspended twice in my final year at Carine, adding a layer of irony to events that would occur several years later. 

 

While Mum has accomplished many things, in her own words, the thing she is most proud of is her children, and her love for us is the greatest driving force in her life. She has made mistakes along the way but her love and care for us is constant and inexhaustible.

Her love now naturally extends to her many grand-children and great-grand-children.

 

Mum is creative and talented and when she takes on a hobby she is gung-ho about it. I remember her ceramics period when I was a teenager. When she learned how to make teddy bears the house was soon over-run with bears of all shapes and sizes. Mum loves Christmas, especially the traditional images and trappings of a northern hemisphere yuletide and the house is transformed with Santas, reindeer, fairy lights and candle-lit cottages, snowmen and Christmas trees and nativity scenes. Our kids loved the Christmas celebrations at Nan’s house and of course the stupendous traditional Christmas lunches with all the trimmings and home-made plum pudding.

Mum and Arthur were restless and so there were moves back and forth across the city, from Girrawheen to Yangebup, Kelmscott and Armadale, then across the country to Moonta SA and Mirboo North near her beloved sister Evelyn in Leongatha.  Back to WA where Bridgetown became home but their tumultuous marriage  ended and Mum was alone again. 

 

During this time Mum achieved a life-long dream and went overseas for the first time, to Britain, where she travelled around the beautiful English countryside, exploring and discovering and making friends. The travel bug bit her hard because over the next few years she went to America and Europe several times. In the USA she connected with friends of ours from Calvary Chapel and my summer camp experience and has been back to visit Joshua and his family, Ron and Kay, Keith and Michelle and Paul and Vicki a number of times. Mum and Mona holidayed on a Greek island and she went to Paris with Auntie Ev and Uncle Ken. All of these journeys happened after she turned 60 and her energy and desire to travel has still not diminished.

 

Bridgetown is a beautiful little town and Mum made lasting and loving friends there. Still single and lonely, her good friends Udo and Viv encouraged her to seek love and companionship again. Subsequently I had the honour of officiating at the marriage of Mum and Walter. With us then living in Busselton there were many weekends and holidays spent at Cherry Tree Cottage. Soccer squash at the Boat Park in the main street provided hours of entertainment for all the family. Mum joined a co-op of like-minded crafters and artists and together they ran a craft shop for several years. She treasured her times with the Stitch and Bitch group, most of all her dear friend Mona who sadly passed away a few months ago. As I write this Mum is back in Bridgetown, staying at Mona’s house with her daughter and catching up with family and friends.

 

Sadly, third time lucky wasn’t the case and Mum’s marriage to Walter came to an end as well. Mum uprooted again and moved back to Victoria, first to a little place called Tatong, then Drysdale and finally to Narrawong on the SW coast near Portland. She has made friends, found a lovely church community and enjoys nothing better than scrapbooking, making cards and gifts for family and friends. She had a major health scare a couple of years ago and got a glimpse of her mortality but has recovered, all the more determined to make the most of every day and never to die wondering. Vicki and Don aren’t far away, in Casterton. We are in Ocean Grove and her dear friends Allan and Lorna are in Geelong so she is often on the road, visiting friends and family. 

Mum has a special relationship with her niece Penelope which provides an on-going connection to her sister Evelyn who died of cancer a few years ago. 

Mum is spontaneous, irrepressible and generous to a fault. She will do whatever she can to make her family happy. She is much more likely to wear out than to fade away. She has beloved friends across the country and around the world. At 83 she has slowed down a little, there are lots of aches and pains, there are challenges to contend with, like keeping her driver’s licence and climbing the stairs, but I’m confident she will continue to meet them the way she always has, with gusto and determination.

Thank you for loving me and always wanting the best for me. I love you Mum.

*Before he died I apologised to Pop for being a little shit when I was a kid. He replied, "You weren't a little shit Marcus, you were a big shit". I asked if he could forgive me. "Easiest job in the world" he responded.

It is a credit to both of them that in later life Mum and Dad developed a close and loving friendship again.

** There will be more about Carine High School in a later chapter of 60 in 60.