Monday, January 28, 2013

Signs of the Times

One of the little treats driving the #30 to Corio along Thomson Road is anticipating what imaginative spelling (& grammar) I will find on the signs outside the fruit shop on the corner of Princess Road. 

See what I mean for yourself.

 (For the competitive among you, there are 12 mistakes I can find in these 9 pics. Can you find them all?)

As you can see there is more than one way to spell a word wrongly.

I've started to wonder if it's a deliberate ploy to attract attention!

Fair to say it's got mine.

PS. Thanks for the comments, a are thing on Holt Press these days. Birchy, I've tried looking for the EODD online and can only find books to buy, do you have something you can email me on it?

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Easy as 1 2 3...

I don't normally make new year resolutions but for quite a while now I've been conscious of my weight and the need to lose a few many kilos. 

The strategy is in 3 parts.

1. Go on that unpopular but effective diet, the COATC (Cut Out All The Crap)
So far so good. I've stopped carrying chocolate/lollies/snacks with me on the bus and have largely resisted my usual visits to bakeries etc.

2. Exercise more. Not hard when you start from such a low base! Thus the purchase of the mountain bike on the weekend. I've been on two rides already, over to Barwon Heads and back, the second in the company of Mrs HP. Our place is at the top of a steep hill so pushing myself to ride all the way home gets the pulse rate up. Mrs HP walked the last stage, complaining that her bottom was sore, again not surprising as it was her first bike ride in several years.

3. The Biggest Winner. I don't consider myself "Fat", just a bit overweight. Some of you are probably quoting The Castle about now: "Tell him he's dreaming"! Either way, compared to a LOT of the other drivers at work I am quite slim. There are some seriously obese blokes at work. A job that involves sitting on your bum 8 hours a day doesn't help but nor does lack of exercise and poor diet.
Pinching an idea from reality TV and tweaking it I have launched a weight loss competition at work called The Biggest Winner. Contestants put $100 in each and at the end of 6 months the person who's lost the most weight (by percentage of starting weight) wins all the money. So far there has been a fair bit of discussion, some stirring and an under-whelming sign-up response. Undeterred I have sought the support/sponsorship of the company who have agreed to put up some (modest) prize money for 1st 2nd & 3rd. I'm also cutting the entry fee in half in the hope of encouraging more people to have a go.
Two blokes today told me they're going to enter so if no-one else signs up we'll all win some dough!
Regardless of the outcome I am determined to drop a minimum of 10kgs and will push towards 15 as my next target. Feel free to encourage hold me accountable.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Saturday: A Welcome Day Off

After 5 days of very early starts it was a relief to have the weekend off and I enjoyed one of my favourite past-times yesterday: cruising garage sales.

My scores included:  

A jig saw, (the cutting variety) haggled down from $10 to $8

A very good mountain bike, down from $40 to $25

A girl's mountain bike for Mrs HP for $10. (We are planning to do a ride along the Yarra River bike path from Greensborough to the city some time soon)

Two copies of the 2011 AFL Grand Final Footy Record in pristine condition for $2. I will keep one of them for Sport Boy as a memento of one of the best days we have ever spent together.

A cute pair of salt and pepper shakers for 50c

A set of filing shelves for work for $5

An old Richmond jumper for $2

and a Ben Harper CD for $1

At one sale there were a couple of ladies trying to fit two big armchairs into a 4WD so I offered to load them on my trailer and follow them home to drop them off. They were most appreciative, as was I when they let me use the dunny, I had been busting for over an hour!

Before heading home I stopped and loaded the trailer with a stack of old paling fence timber that has been sitting on a vacant lot on the #30 route for several months. What can't be used for woodwork/craft purposes will make excellent kindling for the fire.

Last night I drove the Nightrider Bus, which takes the night-clubbing crew home to Torquay-1.30, Lara-2.30, Ocean Grove-3.30 and Lara again-4.30.
On my way into work at 1am I stopped to pick up a bloke who was walking along the Portarlington Rd. It turned out that his wife had kicked him out of the car and gone home without him, to Bacchus Marsh!!! He had already walked about 10km from Portarlington but after I dropped him off in the city he still had another 50 odd km to get home! He was talking about taking a cab. As a former taxi driver I'd have liked that fare!! Hopefully his wife had cooled off by the time he got home!!

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

Interior Decorating

To protect the guilty the identities of those involved in the following post will not be disclosed .
Any resemblance to a certain Holt Press family member is entirely possible.

Let's say a local teenager and his mate were hanging out one day when one of them needed to go to the toilet.
So badly that they made their way to another mate's place for the express purpose of using the dunny.

When they got there there was no-one home but mercifully the door was open.


They went in and the desperate teen found relief.

The other teenager suggested a practical joke while they were there.
"How about we rearrange the furniture a little?"

Typical adolescent humour in action. Not hilarious. A little immature but pretty harmless?

Interior decorating complete the teens moved on to other adventures.

Later that evening the phone rang in a house that may or may not be the residence of a certain blogger.

"Did ______ happen to come around to our place today while we were out?" asked the parent of the mate who wasn't home.

"I don't know. Why do you ask?"

"Whoever it was rearranged some of our furniture and we just want to talk to them about it. I'm sure they meant it as a joke but we're a bit concerned."

"OK, we'll talk to _______ and let you know what we find out".

A bit later: contact was made with the teenager in question who readily admitted to having been involved and thought it was a pretty funny joke.

"OK, well ________________ would like to talk to you about it tomorrow, he doesn't think it's as funny as you do. I'd suggest you explain and apologise and it should all be sorted out".

It seems there was no anger or thought of punishment, just concern...
Fair enough.

Next day: The teenager in question fronts up and apologises. Apparently he got a bit of a lengthy story about teenage high jinks and the need to respect other people's property. Other than that, no harm done. He remains a welcome visitor at said house. A good outcome.

But, there's a funny post-script.

Apparently the family decided they liked the new room arrangement better and have kept it the way the "offenders" left it!!

Tuesday, January 08, 2013

One Liner updates

Mrs Holt Press' Dad is in hospital following a couple of falls: I visited him today on my lunch break.

My Dad is on his way south, first to visit Auntie Merle and then on to spend a few days with us around the weekend.

Favourite Daughter has decided to sell her beloved Kombi for financial reasons. (Let me know if you are interested in a Kombi Campervan!)

Sport Boy is spending much of his holiday surfing.

The Heir has returned from Robe SA after visiting Briony's family for New Year. Apparently he passed muster.

Mrs HP has a full day of work in Torquay tomorrow, cleaning a house for some people who are moving.

In the absence of AFL or CFFL Cam and I have adopted the Seattle Seahawks in the NFL play-offs now that my Giants and his Browns are finished.

I am on earlies this week, 5:30 start tomorrow so am going to bed without watching Survivor!!

Saturday, January 05, 2013


A girl with four toes got on the bus today. Actually she had eight toes, four on each foot.
I don't normally look at people's feet when they get on the bus although considering how skimpily dressed some of the girls are it would be a safer option. I don't know why I looked at her feet but when I did I realised there was something slightly odd about them and a quick count confirmed she was short one toe on each foot. (She was wearing thongs in case you're wondering if I have suddenly developed X-Ray vision).
Being a master of tact I didn't say anything or ask to take a picture for my blog...You'll have to take my word for it.
I did wonder how much attention or grief her feet have caused her. Obviously not enough to cause her to hide them away. Good for her.

Friday, January 04, 2013

T-Shirt Humour

A guy walked past me today wearing a T-Shirt that said:

I Love Animals
They're Delicious

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

Happy New Year

The New Year brings promise and hope.......that maybe the previously prolific blogger might rediscover his passion for prose.....maybe.....

We'll see.

The plan is regular and brief. (Bowel movement blogging?)

Snappy snippets for the hungry reading public, all two of you!

So, here goes.

Mid-afternoon on day off.

Text from Mrs HP.
"I'm going to be a while (at the hospital with her Dad) Do you want to start getting dinner ready?"

Reply from sincere but ill-informed blogger husband
"No worries, Favourite Daughter has already started cooking"

Half an hour later.

Favourite Daughter:
"Dad can you give me a lift to youth group?"

"Sure. What's that?"

"Dinner I cooked to take to group"


After delivering daughter and misinterpreted meal

Text to Mrs HP
"The good news is dinner is cooked. 
The bad news is FD took it with her!
It wasn't for us!"

Final scene, Blogger Husband hastily cooks traditional get out of trouble meal, spaghetti bolognese...